By L.L. Madrid
It’s firefly season. The village children run through the woods clutching mason jars and butterfly nets.
Among the exposed roots of an ancient oak, a dirty-faced girl called Carys regards a glowing jar. Inside, a pixie pounds her pinprick fists and fogs the glass with silent shouts. Carys’ eyes fill when she sees that the sprite shares the same heart-shaped face and upturned nose as her mother.
Watching the figure, memories twist her gut: forgotten birthdays, bent spoons, evictions, cold hands, sirens…then nothing.
Biting her lip, she unscrews the lid. With a twist of her thumb, Carys crushes the pixie.
I found the name “Carys” to be cumbersome to the story, but I appreciated trying for something distinctive. Then ending was a bummer. Thus the story not satisfying.
Jeff, thanks for reading/commenting!
Carys is a very common name in some regions of the world, just probably not where you’re from.
I liked the progression, and while the end was dark, I didn’t think it was a bad twist. The list of bad memories set up for it nicely. I would have appreciated maybe one more little breadcrumb to prepare me for the end – saying “her eyes filled” made me think she was mourning her mother. Maybe a different reaction would have made the end make more sense. Still, I enjoyed the story and loved your descriptive opening.
Thanks Sara!
I appreciate the “breadcrumb” feedback, while I’m a fan of a gut-punch ending, I know many aren’t and would likely appreciate more foreshadowing. I’ll keep that in mind for next time.
🙂
I too, like the “gut-punch” type endings. I liked this story. I think the description of Carys and her thoughts of an unloving mother moved it towards this ending.
Thanks Dave!
I always enjoy entomological tales of revenge.
I always enjoy use of the word “entomological”.
Thanks for reading!
I thought the name was unique and the story engaging. The memories leading up to the dark ending made me as the reader, hooked.
Thanks Lisa!
Solid writing, wonderful finish ,,,
Wonderful story; ending somewhat grim, but appropriate to story.
Beautiful, poignant, retribution….all elements that make a well crafted tale so delicious!!! No wonder the editors loved your story….congrats!
I love it. So many great visuals.
I’m inspired, L.L. Madrid.