By PJ Stephenson
Dozens crowd around her pod. She’s sitting up, sipping water.
Lights flicker. Generators hum.
“How long was I out?”
Everyone exhales. I squeeze Adam’s hand.
“Ninety years,” says the Commander.
“Oh.” A long blink. Her voice is hoarse. “The war?”
“We lost.” He swallows. “We’re the only survivors on Earth.”
Tears splash my tunic.
“The alien firestorm erased our hard drives. Sia, you need to help us remember.”
“Remember what?”
“Powered flight. Nuclear energy. Antibiotics…”
“Oh.”
Adam’s lip quivers.
“We never learned anything. But you were educated the old way. You know engineering, medicine…”
“Sorry,” she says. “What’s my name again?”
You did a great job of building suspense in this story, peaking with a release of tension four times. The suspense begins with the phrase “dozens crowd around her” and “lights flickering,” and breaks slighly with “Everyone exhales.” Then the suspense starts again with the narrator squeezing “Adam’s hand,” as if to say “This is something really important,” and breaks again, after the discussion of the “war” with the narrator spilling tears on “my tunic.” The third tension build- up starts with the firestorm and continues with the “need” for help and the fear she won’t know in the foreshadowing, “”Adam’s lips quivered.” The last buildup is the scariest to me. I wouldn’t want to be in their situation or Sia’s. I love the way you structured the plot. This is a frightening theme.
Susan, thanks a lot for taking time to make this analysis of my story, which I appreciated very much. And, yes, it is a scary scenario!
Great analysis! And PJS, great story indeed in so few words.
Wonderfully frightening.
Thanks David.