By Pamela Raleigh
3:00 a.m.
“Get me out of here!” Lorelei whispers the plea, grips the phone with slippery palms, and keeps a lookout for her captors.
On the other end, Lorelei hears his sigh, heavy with sleep.
She raised her voice, risking discovery. “I’m not exaggerating.” She pronounces each word so as not to be mistaken.
“Lorelei.” She knows this voice. “Camp isn’t prison and a week without a cell phone won’t kill you. Now return the counselor’s phone, and go back to your bunk. It’s only the first night!”
Lorelei’s father disconnects.
Worse. She forgot where she found the phone.
Editorial comment: “She raised her voice” should be “raises” and in the last sentence it should be “she has forgotten” to reconcile tense.
The story gave me a chuckle.
Excellent story!! It caught my attention immediately-can’t wait for the next one to come out!!
Pamela strong build of tension with a release of laughter at the end. Do watch for verb tense changes as they pull the reader out of the story. Keep up the good work.
Great ending! I love the lighthearted twist instead of the grim ending I expected!
Liked the tension at the start. Classic arc of tension and resolution. Great choice of name–Lorelei is musical.