By Gary Davison
The gaunt, bed-ridden man suffered from chronic, projectile vomiting. Several doctors wearing hazmat suits stood a safe distance away.
The psychiatrist spoke. “We all agree. We have diagnosed your condition—it’s autometaphorphobia. Yours is the world’s first documented case. It’s a psychological disorder that triggers severe physiological symptoms. An autometaphorphobic suffers extreme nausea when speaking in metaphors.”
Visibly shaken, the patient replied, “Finally, an answer. Your diagnosis is music to my eyes.” Then he convulsed, gagged, and shot vomit thirteen feet. A personal best.
They immediately sedated him. The doctors concurred—using a mixed metaphor was worse, and could prove fatal.
Funny, weird, and smart: a winner!
Word games and mind games put together in a nice piece, thanks!
Best example of psychosomatic manifestation I think I’ve ever seen. Great story!
Akin to simileneurosis, but no projectiles?
Very simile’er
Thanks for the comments. Glad you enjoyed it.