The First Date

By Ron Frazer

It is early evening in the restaurant, almost empty save a young couple sitting by the window. They are obviously on their first date, judging by his nervous chatter, and her too-frequent laughter.

My cigarette is across the room from them; the smoke is drifting to their table, carried along by the blast from the air-conditioning over my head.

My meal, eaten too fast, is causing a surging pressure down below. Just for fun, a fart escapes, silently emptying my entire colon.

In five seconds, the faces of the young couple change. Their eyes widen. This is probably their last date.