By Zane Castillo
Melena walked into the room and set the letters on the bed. She had spent the afternoon reading the love letters her mother had received from a man who wasn’t her father. They spanned a period of twenty-five years with the most recent being a few weeks before her mother’s death.
Sitting down, Melena remembered now how often her mother went to the post office and once returned with a peculiar smile pasted on her face.
A framed photograph of her mother and father laughing together faces her from across the room.
Tears began to fall; Melena wept for her mother.
Beautiful
A good strong emotional piece, well done!
It’s tempting to fall into the spinning sentiment of this story. Here are some suggestions.
1. The opening line isn’t necessary. An ambiguous room, and where she placed the letters aren’t important.
2. Start the second line with the character’s name and put us right into the action.
3. When was her mother’s death – some time ago or recently?
4. I think there is a more fitting word than “peculiar” to describe the smile.
5. “Pasted on her face” is a tired cliche. Cliches should be “avoided like the plague” 😮
6. If her mother and father were smiling in the photo why should Melena weep for her. I think this line calls for showing some unhappiness of her mother.
7. The last line seems too wordy. “Tears fell” and “Melena wept” say the same thing. Use the now available words elsewhere. (See 3 above)
I like the last line as is. It tells exactly who she is shedding her tears for.
I like the smiling photo… it shows the facade as well as the bravery of her mother who stayed in what was possibly a loveless marriage yet was able to smile and keep the marriage happy. And I like the last line as well… it has a lot of emphasis done the way you’ve put it, almost poetic. The first part lets us know that the daughter is devastated but the second part is sort of a surprise… she is not sad for herself or for the lies… she is sad for her mother.