By S. T. Broeckx
“All you do is sit there and say nothing!” She verbally punches while her silhouette’s outlined in the bubble glass door.
The light breaks around her form. I can see the bulge of pregnancy as she departs.
In my head I see the young mother and my child, with some other guy, walking along the beach at the water’s edge. The blue of the sea washes onto the shoreline. The sunlight hits their faces—all pink, tanned, golden yellow—the kid, a mixture of its parents.
I’m waiting in front of the bubble glass door, looking for the light to break.
I like this one a lot. Interesting reflection of the indirect glance at/through the bubble glass door, the light from the beach, the mind’s eye and the comment it makes on not being able to face an issue straight. The first sentence is very peculiar (but appropriate) with the violent ‘verbally punches’ contrasting with the passive form of the ‘silhouette’s outlined’ – again mirroring the supposedly weakened state of pregnancy with the aggressive impact on the narrator. Would eliminate the word ‘see’ and go direct for the description (strong on colours and visuals already). The present continuous in the last sentence certainly works to indicate an ongoing, nightmarish reality with not much of a timeline but I’m left with an uncertainty about why the light has to break again when its already done so. Maybe that’s the point.
Nice one S.T.!
I can literally feel the narrator’s anxiety. Great job!