Greta shook from a lack of food and water, exhausted. Her sack had few belongings, but her shoulder ached. She had been waiting in line for hours as the Germans ushered them along.
Ahead of her, an old man stumbled, and a German soldier struck him with his gun. No one spoke. They were too afraid; too frail.
Why does Adolf Hitler hate the Jewish? Greta wondered miserably.
As the soldier who’d struck the man with his gun shoved her into the packed train, he laughed. “Good riddance, Jew,” he sneered.
The door shut into darkness, and Greta realized their fate.
Too Familiar. As soon as you mention Germans the end is known.
Thank you, for your frank feedback.
Yes, and I found it a little too obvious at the end, too. But of course we are speaking as those who can see what happened, but still, we are writing from today’s standpoint.
I wasn’t trying to make it a surprise. I wanted the reader to feel the emotion. I guess it didn’t.?
I wasn’t trying to make it a surprise. I wanted the reader to feel the emotion. I guess it didn’t.?
While the early disclosure does reveal the subject, the story being as short as it is by design still captures the sad reality of the senseless loss of humanity that was the Holocaust.
Closing with the door of the rail car slamming shut and darkness resulting was strong finish.
Thank you for your honest kind feedback.
I love this story. I felt for Greta because you managed to capture such strong emotion in such a short amount of time. This is like a snapshot of pure fear from cruelty. Your use of imagery really makes the story; that last line is brilliant! Well done!
Thank you. I appreciate your honest feedback. I’m glad you liked it.
A very tough read (because of the subject matter, not the writing). I think you conveyed a very strong sense of fear and hopelessness. Though I technically agree with others that the ending wasn’t a surprise, I did not read the story thinking it was meant to be. Solid writing throughout, covering a very unforgivable period of our history.
Thank you. Very tough to write because of the subject matter.