By Valli Henry-Boldini
The clock ticks but time stands still as she sits on the floor hugging her knees. Shattered window glass from the explosion surrounds her. Her tear-filled eyes stare at the TV where dust-covered people with bloody faces stumble through mounds of rubble. “Stay inside,” the newsreader says. “There’s still gas in the air.” Her ears ring.
~
“Happy Anniversary, love.” He pulled her close to him. “Wear my favourite red dress tonight.”
~
“Where are you, Jon? She replays his last message over and over. “Hey, love. On my way.” Please bring him home safely, she prays. The doorbell rings. She jumps up.
Really well written and emotional. Funnily enough just yesterday, looking at a documentary on the 11th September, I saw an interview with a wife that had lost her husband 20 years ago on that terrible day. She remembered listening to her husband’s last message before he died and she listened to that message to hear his voice again every day for six months. Very sad. I guess your flash fiction referred to that tragic day. You captured the trama exceptionally as in reality. Well done brilliant!
Thank you so much Antonella for your wonderful comment…
Powerfully written; broke me in two.
Thank you so much Shoshauna…
No words wasted in in this potent vignette that produced vivid imagery. Very entertaining.
Thanks so much for your kind comment AJ… much appreciated…
This gave me goosebumps.
Thank you for your comment Bekah…
My first impression was 9/11 was the basis for this but truly – it could be any one who experiences the fear of a loved one possibly being killed.
I was totally caught up in the moment of fear. You do so great with evocative wording. And a little days a lot.
I would love to see this expanded in to a full story Val. Well done.
Thank you so much Linda… it was inspired by the chemical factory explosion in Istanbul…but it can reflect loved ones waiting after hearing of any sad explosion or even the 9/11 attack… thanks for the encouragement to write an expanded version…
Hi Valli,
It’s wonderful to see your story so well-received. It really is great. Congratulations! I agree with Linda – would love to see it expanded into a longer format.
Thank you so much for your kind comment Amanda… and all your continued support … I’ll think about expanding it…
I also thought of 9/11, but it captured the longing and hope of Jons’ wife perfectly. The doorbell ringing at the end was a great way to end – lots of unanswered questions. Is it Jon who in the aftermath has lost his key, but made it home or unfortunately bad news being delivered.
Thank you so much Paul for your kind comment… and yes, I wanted to leave it to the reader to decide the ending… you described my thoughts exactly…
An excellent illustration of the power of the written word used to draw the reader into the scene
Thank you so much Mary for your kind comment… much appreciated…
beautiful. I just found another must read for my students.
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. I’m honoured you want to share it with your students…
Ooh.. That’s edgy..
Who is it?… Will it be good news?… We don’t really know for sure…. Or do we?
Love this piece.. Pithy to the point, sentimental yet..
Excellent.
Thanks so much Gail for your lovely comment…