By J M Jackson
The boy looked down with a tired grin at a meagre collection of coins in the palm of his hand. He cupped them protectively as if they possessed the power to impart life. His childish features had been worn away by poverty.
He chose one of the coins and offered it to the street-dwelling machine in front of him. The machine’s innards clanked. He took a deep breath, stepped forward, and waited for his surprise. His parents had said it would be unforgettable. He loved his parents for getting him this gift.
The door of the suicide booth locked behind him.
Sad life for a little boy.
Wrong, totally wrong for a meaningful story normally seen at 101words.org. There are no lessons told by the story.
rauthor68, telling an author that their piece is “wrong, totally wrong for a meaningful story” is hurtful and not constructive. If you feel that the story didn’t work, that’s fine, but please try to focus on the specifics that might use improvement, which will be more helpful than sweeping statements.
We like to have variety at 101 Words. This is a speculative fiction piece; maybe they are not your cup of tea. However, the story does tell a lesson within the speculative framework.
Thanks for commenting!
– Maura, 101 Words
Oddly, I’ve realised AFTER typing my own comment on this story, below, that the commenter above (rauthor68) made a similar ‘this story is crap’ comment about my own piece a few weeks ago. Rauthor68, I’d be truly delighted if you could point us to your stories so we can see how we should be doing things?
Not a fan of “got ya” type ending. Maybe that’s just my preference.
Well. Au Contraire. I thought this very strong – it had not only impact, but a terrible scary truth. Perhaps that’s what the negative comments are afraid of? This is a story which will haunt me for a while. Not everything in this world is happy ever after and until we stand up and make a change, our stories will reflect it.
I do like how the coins that “had the power to impart life” were used to activate the suicide booth. Are they moving him to a better life? In another boy’s hand those coins could have imparted or influenced a life differently. Did his parents save up to earn the coins for the boy’s suicide?
The connection between life imparting coins and the suicide booth made me wonder about these things and care about the boy.
“Are they moving him to a better life?” – It’s possible that the boy and even the parents think exactly this. (See my other comments about the parents perhaps even being duped into believing falsehoods about these booths.)
Thanks for your comments. Don’t think I’ll worry about engaging with rauthor68. His comments, surprisingly, didn’t affect me. Who knew I could take insults to my work so well! His choice of words also seem to indicate he may be studying Trumpism.
Anyway, you seemed to take the rough sketch of a story I created and interpret in a way that made me happy.
It’s a pleasure to connect with you and your brain. I’m on Twitter and Medium if you (or anyone else) wants to stay in touch.
@iamjonjackson on both.
It’s a very original concept, so full marks for that. However, I don’t think there’s enough information about the character’s life to give us much sense of connection or plot. And I’m a bit confused that it’s meant to be a surprise but it’s a suicide booth – if he were to commit suicide, would it not need to be his choice? There isn’t any indication of him being suicidal in the story. I agree with the comments that this one doesn’t quite work in its current state.
Hey Kathryn. Thanks so much for reading my work and taking the time to comment. I can definitely confirm that the boy is not suicidal.
It is not clear whether the parents know it is a suicide booth either. They may have been lied to by those “in the know”, whoever they may be.
It may be that those in power, the elite, use these machines to keep the population of the lower classes down. The elite may refer to them as suicide booths out of perverse irony.
This is most definitely a blisteringly short glimpse into another world, a vague outline hinting at a whole series of lives. I haven’t even scratched the surface.
Hard to convey in 101 words, but clever concept, good twist, and desperately sad. Well done.
Thank you Mary. Appreciate it.
I wrestled with this piece a bit. Not because it was sorrowful as so many have already commented, but because it struck me as odd that if a “suicide booth” were so common place in this reality to have been on the street, would the outcome really be a surprise? Even to a child (of that world)?
I don’t think it was a badly written piece at all, and I will admit that part of why I liked it was the aforementioned thought provocation.
Thanks for submitting it – I’m going to have to think on it a bit more…which may be the best compliment I can give!
I think a suicide booth on the street might be plausible for those folks, utterly burdened by life’s physical/mental tribulations, but there should be a minimum age limit, say 30 years, for assisted suicide. And again, not a surprise, but an informed choice. And, lastly, I agree that rauthor68’s comments are sometimes off-base… Jerry
Thanks for reading Jerry and for taking the time to comment.
Hey David, thanks so much for reading and taking the time to post a comment. The world in this story is fuzzy in my mind, at best. Who knows what kind of misinformation is being peddled to citizens. Who’s to say that the parents themselves know it is a suicide booth. Perhaps they’ve been duped as much as the child. Perhaps these booths are only known as suicide booths to the elite. They know that they’re used to keep the population down. The “masses” think they’re something else, perhaps. There’s a whole world in there and I haven’t even scratched the surface.
Well done!!!
Thank you Cynthia.
So.. his parents tricked him into thinking he was getting candy from a vending machine, right? I mean, it’s creepy to think a boy would go into a suicide booth willingly. If there is one, that is. Good story.
Hey thanks. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and comment!