By Alan Barker
“Granddad has shut himself in the conservatory.”
“What?”
“The door’s locked. If he doesn’t have his insulin soon he could die.”
“Where’s Julia? She has a key.”
“No idea. I’ve tried her mobile but she isn’t answering.”
We hurried out to the garden and looked through the conservatory window. Granddad was in his armchair apparently asleep, surrounded by all his ferns. We banged on the glass but he didn’t stir.
Luckily the fire brigade came quickly and we got to Granddad in time.
But I couldn’t shake off the fleeting impression that I’d glimpsed a female form lurking behind those ferns.
good for Grandad
Thanks Cathy!
Go Grandad!
Thanks Anna!
Lurking gives a sinister feeling. If grandad has a lady friend, “hiding “is a better choice. Instead of “female form lurking” I suggest “naked female hiding.”
Many thanks for your comment, Adelaide. The word ‘lurking’ was carefully chosen. As you say it suggests something sinister was afoot, which is exactly what I wanted to convey to the reader. The clues given as to what was going on are: Granddad was locked in the conservatory (and don’t assume the narrator was correct to say Granddad had locked himself in); he might die if he didn’t have his insulin injection soon; and a female – who may have been the character Julia – was spotted in the conservatory but trying to remain hidden (hence ‘lurking’). Hopefully you can join the dots!
I guess Julia doesn’t care much for grandad to continue breathing huh? Good story well written and DON’T change a thing, it’s good for other people to exercise their imagination.
Spot on, b. Thank you so much!
I took it to mean a woman had locked him in not that he had a fancy lady…
This has a lovely crime noir feel to it. Very enjoyable!