By Daniel Ramalho
For twenty-one years she’d pleaded with God to take her husband, to no avail. Welts and scars cloaked in shame under sleeves and turtlenecks tallied the tears drunk by the bruised words in her Bible.
Was it symbolic that she would stab him in the temple? She sheathed a knife in his brain, yet on he lived.
A different man emerged from surgery. An angelic soul. Another husband. One she grew to love.
Now, one year later, he is dead. Sobs echo across the empty room from behind her folded arms.
“Which husband, o Lord, am I to spend eternity with?”
I like the story beginning & ending with her talking to God. And the husband’s transformation from twenty-one violent years to one year as an “angelic soul.” I think if you shortened the 11-word sentence (“Sobs . . .”) you might have added a brief plot detail about how she got away with stabbing him. Thanks for the story!
Hi Neil! Thanks for the feedback. The same thought about her getting away with attempted homicide crossed my mind, but I opted to leave it out because it is common knowledge that people who lash out in an uncontrolable fit of murderous rage after years of abuse are seldom convicted. I chose to focus on her loneliness and despair, being faced with the uncertainty of not knowing which of her husband’s “souls” – the fiendish or angelic one – is the one she will be with forever. Thanks again for your comment!
The story is fine, in my estimation, as it is, Daniel. You gave it two pretty darn good twists that made it read just right. Good job.