By Ryan Woerner
To sweep something under the rug is a common expression meaning to hide something potentially damaging from view.
For Ben, the phrase was both literal and metaphorical. By the time he started cleaning his seventh or twelfth or fiftieth hotel room that afternoon, the disdain for his job growing with each, more and more frequently he opted to sweep the messes under the rug.
Arriving home, the 38-year-old shot a glance toward his mother—the owner of the ramshackle home—lying bloodied and motionless on the floor, unperturbed for the last few weeks.
He was going to need a larger broom.
I didn’t know whether to gasp or laugh. I think I did both. The end is totally unexpected, and that, for me, is a problem. I think there should be some hint earlier that he lives with his mother. Give her a descriptive adjective –nagging mother, overbearing mother, nosey mother—-There needs to be a reason he killed her.
Very disturbing, indeed.
Very unoriginal.
This didn’t do it for me either – poorly set up punch line.
I am fascinated by this character! Very real setup — almost mundane (but in a “readable” way) — leading up to a super-creepy reveal. I think the last line works for me, but it does put a very different spin on the rest of the story. (Makes me revisit what I’ve read as “dark humor” vs. “crime drama” — which is fine, just causes a re-framing in my mind.) Nice work!
I liked it! Made me laugh. Thanks for sharing.
Or a larger rug.
Fantastic piece. Witty, compelling and resonant. Well done.