By Nicola Smith
The other children had left. School was now locked. She tried to shelter from the rain as she waited to be collected.
Her mother was never late; she felt the worry turn into panic. Tears began to prick her eyes.
Her book bag was saturated. She felt saddened about the watercolour she produced earlier for her Mummy. It wouldn’t be good enough for the fridge now, just a soggy mess.
Her sense of doom increased as she saw the police car pull up outside the darkened school. She saw a look of pity as the officer approached.
Mummy was not coming.
Great stuff. I can feel the sadness in this piece. Very well done!
Thank you very much.
The waiting never ends. Good story, but what happens in the next chapter?
It’s too sad a tale to tell.
Powerful, suspenseful, and sad. Great stuff!
Thank you.
Moving & heartfelt. A tale of sadness told told in only 101 words that had me gripped. Beautiful. Well done
Thank you
You captured the emotion and the child’s voice/ innocence very well.
I didn’t like the phrase “sense of doom” and “darkened school”, maybe with a little rephrasing that feeling and image could have been sharper, but overall a great piece.
Well done!
Thank you very much.
beautiful piece. The only flaw is in confusing “school” – the ‘software’ – so to speak – with > the school< – the actual building. I'd have left out "now" and retained the definite article to remain with count.
Good point. Thank you.