He sat behind the steering wheel of the behemoth Ford. French Estelle sat close to him. She was the buttonhole operator at the menswear factory where they worked, her machine next to his. She preferred the zippers.
His daughter sat in back. She watched his intense eyes fix on hers in the rear-view mirror and she wondered if he suspected that she knew.
The girl watched Estelle work her father’s zipper. He pulled away. Estelle shrugged, then twisted round, Juicy Fruit gum in her hand. The girl thought of her mother in the hospital, who preferred peppermint.
“You like?” asked Estelle.
Wonderful work – fantastic. “she wondered if he suspected that she knew” and “The girl watched Estelle work her father’s zipper”… just brilliant.
Rob- thanks so much for your feedback. It always helps to know what works and the concepts that stick with readers. Marlene
Smashing last line. Loved it!
Wow, thank you Bobby! First and last lines always seem so tricky.
Excellent!
Making my day. Thanks Alexandra! Marlene
ooh la la Madame! Great piece Marlene
Ahh, oui! Merci beaucoup. Thanks for taking the time to read & comment, Pat.
A perfect example of less is more. Very well done Marlene!
Thanks so much, Linda! Kind of reminds us how much unnecessary blabber is out there, myself included! 🙂
Great scene, Marlene.
Very nice job!
Michael, I appreciate you taking time to comment. And thank you!
Thank you very much, Carol Lynn! Now can I possibly manage to think this tightly, concisely and graphically again?
Perfect story. Short and surprising
Very good to have your comment! Thank you. Marlene
Wow, so vivid.
So glad you read it, Lara. Thanks for your feedback!
This is quite a brilliant use of 101 words, Marlene! Bravo! She preferred the zippers — what a line!
Hey Lauren- thank you! It’s especially helpful to us writers to know the lines that deliver a punch,
Marlene, what a wonderful melding of the situation and the gum. That stick of gum becomes the vehicle for evoking the feeling of how deeply offensive the speaker’s father’s situation is to her.
Sheila, thank you so much for such excellent insight. This entire process has been incredibly illuminating and has made me eager to try my hand (brain) at creating another one.
I loved this little story which told so much in few words. I especially loved the use of “behemoth”. I have come across this word before, but rarely in modern literature. Great stuff.
Thanks John, I greatly appreciate your note. For some reason, I came across that word several years ago in reference to those beastly cars of the 1950’s and it really stuck with me. In fact, the behemoth to which I refer was exactly that, a 1954 green Ford – a real beast! Again, many thanks!
Juicy AND minty!
And then some, Theresa! Thank you.
Says so much with so few words– a picture that I see and feel. Very well done.
Thank Doriann! After wracking my brains on this shorty, I greatly appreciate the often-quoted statement usually attributed to Winston Churchill, “I apologize for sending you such a long letter but I didn’t have time to write a shorter one.” My own research shows otherwise.
Mons. Pascal, very famous for his talent at composing brilliant essays with few words, excused himself to a friend for the extravagant length of one of his Letters, when he said he had not time to make it shorter. 🙂
So much story, so few words. Raising so much back history for the characters, and empathy in your reader! Excellent writing!!!
Powerful story!! Terrific power in just a few words.
Thanks Carol! Powerful is good and let’s remember what Ludwig Mies van der Rohe was fond of saying: “Less is more.”
Wonderful and powerful piece, Marlene. Congratulations.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
Wow, so compact. I was ensnared from the start. This is so different from your other writing yet totally true to your voice.
Thanks Vicki – not an easy piece to write but I learned so much about what counts in the process. I may have to try this again. Glad you read it.
Marlene, I expect nothing less of you. Marvelous!
Judy, thanks you! Now you’ve expressed some expectation I hope I can live up to in the future. Appreciate your comment.
A fine example of its kind. No edges, just smooth and profound storytelling.
Juliana, thanks for your comment! It really is incredibly helpful to know what works, what doesn’t and the aspects of story that stick with readers. Again, many thanks! M
Terrific! What a big story in only a few words. I can’t wait for the sequel.
Many thanks, Esther! What to do if the sequel is X -rated? Maybe fewer words, yet?
I love this Marlene–concise and potent! Go girl! Can’t wait to read the next….
Thanks so much,T. I’m getting addicted to the approach of 101 words. Very challenging and mentally interesting. Glad it appealed to you!
Very cool. I know that it is harder to convey your thoughts (or story) in very few words than in very many words.
Larry- thanks much for taking the time to read & comment. These 101Words shorties do attest to how much of what we read/write/say is total blather!
DEFINITION-NOUN
Long-winded talk with no real substance as in:
‘all the blather coming out of Washington about crime’
Marlene so much with so few words– a clear picture. Very well done and I’d like to see more from Marlene
Michael – thank you for your feedback. I’m thrilled you got a clear picture. So important to know whether I achieved my goal.
Excellent! Great sense and feel for the tensions in the car.
Amazing how difficult it is to convey emotion with so few words. Thank you for your feedback. I’m glad to know I succeeded in conveying those tensions!